Without you* - Mariah Carey

I've not been really good at corresponding over e-mails in recent times - but it has become worse in the past month or so. I guess some explanation is needed, esp to those who've mailed me and are wondering why i never bothered to reply.

I’m internet-less in London. Heck, there was a point of time when I was even laptop-less! But as me mate would say, it’s better to be laptopless in London than to be topless in London!!!

Sure, there are at least 3 internet cafés in the town i'm in – but as I’m not only internet-less but also job-less, I’m trying to keep expenses low. I’ve tried to check for wire-less connection but can’t find any near me place. Applying for an internet connection would mean signing a 12 months contract. Oh well…

It’s good to know that I can live without broadband internet at my fingertips.

It is difficult, tho. Job hunting is severely impaired. No more Saturday meeting and “Hearts” session wif me mates. Can’t chat on MSN. No idea how the weather is gonna be. Unable to “google” something when I come across sumthing I need to know or dun understand. Out of touch with the news of the world...

So wat do i do for internet? I go to the local library for the free internet facilities they have there.

So there I’ll be, as early as I can. I have to take a number and sometimes wait for up to 30 mins before being allocated a PC. It’s alrite cuz I use the time to read newspapers – something I haven’t done for so long. Why bother reading newspapers when you can read the same – and even more – on-line?

After 1 hour, the librarian would come up to me and tell me to finish up. As they take my details each time I’m allocated a PC, I will not be allowed to take a number again for that day – only once a day, 1 hour a day.

It has taken some getting used to. For the 12 months in Colchester, the first thing I’d do when I wake up in the morning is to get online – and the last thing I do is to close the internet connection and turn off me laptop.

Mind you - an hour on-line flies quickly. So that explains why my delay in replying e-mails have become worse!!!!

And for those who may be waiting for my Europe trip pics, I guess you have to wait for a while longer. :-(

But things are changing now... more on this in the next couple of days!

* Her remake of Air Supply's soppy song (was theirs a remake too?) which hit the charts during me first stay in London years ago!

Crazy* - Gnarls Barkley

It's nice to have mates that accept you for who you are, no matter how crazy you can be. It's nicer to have mates that also can go crazy with you!!!! :-)

We had such a blast last nite! :-)

* To me, this is Kevin's song! Each time i hear it, i'd always think of him!!! Whenever the song came on while we were working during the summer, he'd sing it, falsetto and all! Ah... i actually miss him... and me other workmates too.

I will always love you* - Whitney Houston

That’s how one of me mates feel about her ex-boyfriend. He’s the first guy she ever loved – and he’ll be the one she loves for the rest of her life, even if they won’t end up together.

It sure doesn’t seem that way – separated by 2 continents, scarred by a messy break-up. Yet, I believe there’s still hope for them. After all, they are frens now. Just frens. But how important it is for couples to be friends first before anything else.

I had to smile when she told me that ever since that guy, all her subsequent boyfriends – serious or otherwise – were chosen because of one or more things about them which reminded her of her first – and true – love! Sometimes, it may be the physical appearance, while others the reminders may not be so obvious to the eye.

I smiled cuz know exactly what she meant. I am sure that a lot of people are guilty - albeit sub-consciously - of always measuring everyone with the standard set by one particular person.

I believe that many has someone just like me mate has her ex-boyfren – someone whom they truly loved, and will always love for the rest of their lives. And if that someone is not the one they end up with, dun feel sorry for them – for so few in this world can honestly say that they truly – and will always – love a person.

* Lovely song from the soundtrack the movie, The Bodyguard. Hard to believe it's a remake of a country western song by Dolly Parton!!!!

Lucky* - Britney Spears

As Bon Jovi said (according to Hugh Grant's character in About A Boy), "No man is an island".

How true.

As i sat there last nite watching Smallville and eating cream crackers with peanut butter, i even surprised meself at what a good mood i was in! And as i thought about it, i just felt so so blessed. I have frens who'd let me stay with them for free, frens who'd provide for me when i am in need.

And i have a family who are behind me all the way. And even if i were to be like the prodigal son and go back broke and jobless, no doubt the fatted calf will be slaughtered and the best robes will be brought out for me.

I guess people can say that i am truly lucky. Well, in their eyes, i may be. But i have to disagree. Being lucky means that all the good things in me life happened by chance. That is not true.

I have to thank God for surrounding me with such wonderful people, for ensuring that i'm not an island - even if i dun deserve such blessings.

Today, i came back to campus and it's really so good to be here again - meeting people as i walk along the grounds, chatting with mates in the kitchen, having a drink at the cafe, being invited for a home-cooked meal by 2 lovely ladies (see pic on the left), feeling welcomed and cared for. Oh, i even manage to get some work for the next couple of days or so - something which i achieved after being back for less than 2 hours and something i couldn't do even if i had been in London for more than 2 weeks!

A big... no, HUGE thank you to me mates and me family.

And thank you, Lord.

* I used to be a big fan of Britney and liked this song very much - tho not as much as Sometimes. I like the lyrics of this song too - one can have everything the world can give but yet still feel empty and lonely.

Hand in my pocket* - Alanis Morissette

OK - someone has put his/her slimy paws in me pocket!!!!!

*sigh*

When i tried to withdraw money today, i was shocked to be informed that there are insufficient funds in me account! Someone withdrew all me money out of me account over the weekend. There's less than 9 quid left in me account!!!!! Plus the 4 quid plus i have in me wallet, that means that i have around 13 pounds left!!!!!

Great! I'm jobless - and now i'm broke!!!! And i just happen to be living in what is the 2nd or 3rd most expensive city in the world to live in!!!!

Oh well...

I guess the good thing about it is that i've been in a surprisingly good mood today - that even this failed to dampen me spirits! Thank God - if this happened like last Friday... well, God knows how much we can take!

Upon checking with the bank, they did gave me the impression that i should be able to get me money back. But that would prolly take up to 2 weeks fastest!

So, if anyone wants to support my expensive lifestyle here, go to www.helpmin-anstayinlondon.org.uk and make a donation. Receipts can be issued for tax relief purposes! Each donation will entitle you to eternal gratitude from yours truly! ;-P

I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah
I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everthing's gonna be fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five

Alanis Morissette

Alright, i'm not short... but the rest of the lyrics of this song so describes how i feel now!

* Brilliant song from her brilliant "Jagged Little Pill" album. Despite all the angst in the album, this song is surprisingly optimistic!

Don't cry* - Guns n Roses

And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.
Revelations 7 v 17

The preacher spoke last nite on Revelations 7. When he came to this verse, he highlighted sumthing which really hit me - God himself will wipe away the tears - not some angels. Just like how a parent will hold a crying child tightly and dry his/her tears, that's what God will do.

What a lovely, tender and comforting thought.

Tears at the end of a camp in 2005

Beyond the door, there's peace I'm sure,
And i know there'll be no more tears in heaven
Eric Clapton & Will Jennings

* One of their early hits, and when i was a big fan of them!

A Whole New World* - Brad Kane & Lea Salonga

Clark Kent buys his fren, Ryan, the latest edition of the Warrior Angel comic.

CK: So what’s up with the… uh… floating balloon?

R: It’s Warrior Angel’s aerodrome – a floating fortress where he can get away from his troubles on earth.

CK: Sounds like something everybody should have…

Smallville Season 2 Episode 8

My aerodrome is the little reading corner of Borders along Oxford Street (not the Charing Cross Road branch, KC ;-P). Whenever I just want to escape from the worries and the dark clouds of life – and in recent days, there has been a lot – I head there. I dun stay there long. In a short time, I’d be transported to different worlds, I’d be in New York, in Budapest, in Tokyo, in London… wait a minute. I am in London!!!!

I go there and read.

I just completed Archer’s False Impressions. Initially, I must admit that I felt a little bad going to Borders and finish reading an entire novel there and placing it back on the shelves. This is not a library!

But they openly advertise about the reading areas in their bookshops. They expect people to grab a book and sit on their comfy armchairs and sofas and read! I guess they also expect customers to get so hooked on the book that they can’t leave the shop without it – and not to just come again and again and spend hours to finish the book!

Archer’s False Impressions is him back to his good form. He should stop all those short stories and focus on novels. In some ways, FI is typical Archer – exotic locations, strong characters, twists, dry humour. I like how this time round, Van Gogh’s self-portrait plays a big role in the story. And Archer cleverly uses the 9/11 incident in his book too. Having his heroine being in the North Tower when the first jet hit the South Tower on that fateful day, that chapter was edge of the seat gripping stuffs, with acts of heroism that will move you to tears.

Yes, I’m advertising for Borders! Great place to be. Great books to choose from. They play great music – I was reading Archer while taping me feet to music by the Beatles, U2 and Oasis! Best of all is that they close at 11 pm!!!! Yeah, when it gets dark, when the attractions and museums are closed, when shops shut, you can count on Borders to welcome you – and transport you to a whole new world.

Only problem is that like with every form of escapism, it is only temporal in nature – and I’d have to replace the book and go out into the cold dark nite…

Pic of book cover taken from here.

* Everyone knows the Peabo Bryson & Reginna Belle's version on the soundtrack of Alladin - which is nice - but i like this version which was the one used in the movie itself.

I'll be seeing you* - Billie Holiday

You’d think that with so many goodbyes, it’d get easier.

No. Not for me anyways…

Later today, Di will be leaving for home for good. I said goodbye to her last nite – and after I hung up, I was surprised at how it affected me.

It’s prolly the last goodbye, in the context of me flatmates. Those who remain are those who are still pursuing their studies or are starting long term employment.


Altho I never spent as much time as I would have liked to wif Di, somehow, I felt that she was one whom I could relate to a lot. Both of us were the older ones in the flat and both have previously lived in East London. We’d lament together how despite being so old, we still retain the old habits of leaving everything to the last minute.

I was glad to have spent some time wif her on Tuesday – where with another fren of hers, we had a wonderful meal at Misato. Promises were made and plans were drawn up for a reunion in Beijing next year – yes, she would take me for seafood if I go at the right time! :-)

I really hope it’ll come to pass. And we'll meet again someday...

* Oldie which was recently used in the movie, "The Notebook".

Colour everywhere* - Deana Carter

I just watched “Pleasantville” – finally. Yeah, one of the shows which I have always wanted to watch but never got to… til now!

I dun think I’ll be giving any major spoilers if I just say that the movie is about 2 teenagers who got stuck in a black & white TV series – and how they brought colour into the lives of the people there.

OK – so maybe, the spoiler is quite major. But if you haven’t watched it by now, it won’t matter!

I sorta enjoyed it but won’t rank the movie really high on me list.

But some parts really touched me – especially seeing the little colour bits appearing little by little - and I was brought to recall the lyrics of an old Christian song sung by Sandi Patti which we sang for Christmas many years ago. The song started of like this:-

Why did God take so time to make creation glow?
He could have made it black and white and we’d never know.

Can you imagine a world without colour? No blue skies. No red roses. No red, orange and yellow of autumn. No green fields. No redheads. No 7-coloured rainbows. No brown eyes…

Well, we dun have to imagine it – cuz it was not meant to be that way. Thank God. Literally!

Left to right, top to bottom:- Autumn leaves in Wivenhoe Park, teapots in Paris, wild flowers in Wales, sunrise over Colchester, Monet's painting in Paris, tulip in Kensington Park, rainbow over Uni of Essex, parrot in Colchester Zoo, hostel in Chamonix Mont Blanc, Tesco’s apples and oranges, flowers on sale in Amsterdam, sunset over Colchester, wild berries in Wivenhoe Park, autumn colours in the French Alps, shops along Portabello Road, autumn trees in France.

* Taken from the soundtrack of the TV series, “Touched by an angel” and introduced to me by a close fren who has a voice like an angel!

Somebody kill me* - Adam Sandler

Notice on the Clifton Bridge, Bristol, a fav among those contemplating to end their lives!

(Model: Markus, pic taken using his camera - cuz he lost all my Clifton Bridge pics!!!!)

In the movie Airplane and its sequel, there’s this hilarious recurring theme where the main character starts talking to people about his past – and he gets so long winded or boring that the people he talks to actually kill themselves – or attempts to!

If I ever watch those movies again, I won’t laugh at those scenes – I’ve living it now!!!

Earlier on, I stood for over an hour while me host droned on and on. As I stood there and tried to phase out like I always do, all I could think of was hitting me head against the wall!

I am not exaggerating – I timed it. It was close to 70 minutes of monologue. I remained on me feet at the hope that perhaps he may have pity on me and “release me”. I also din wanna encourage him by taking a seat – it was after all past 1 am in the morning!

But he just went on and on and on and on…

There are many more incidents – which I initially wanted to add in great detail in this post but decided against it in case I bore you to death. I wouldn’t want anyone to go thru wat I do on an almost daily basis.

I really dun know how to deal with it – he is after all me host who has kindly let me stay with him for FREE. He is so much older than me and me Asian values tell me to respect him, even give “face”.

That is why I never interrupt him, I never cut him off, I never blow him off. In fact, I even maintain eye contact with him all the time and smile feebly when he laughs at his own stories. In the past, I even ask some questions to show that I was following – but that only makes things worse.

Like yesterday, he mentioned about the place where “Amazing Grace” was written. I asked where it is. Next thing I know, he led me to the hall and he spends a considerable time studying the map of England trying to look for the place. When he couldn’t, he started looking up in his ancient encyclopaedias, in spite of me pleas that it really din matter to me at all.

What makes things worse is that he’ll tell the same stories over and over and over again. I’ve lost count at how many times I’ve heard the story of how he met his girlfriend. There was once when he started on another story and I politely cut in and said that he told me that already and even told him the ending of the story. That did not stop him for going thru every single minute detail of the story again!!!!!!!!!

*Sigh*

I’m really mean, blogging bout this. But try standing for 70 minutes at 1 am in the morning, listening to the sleepy droning of a monologue of things which either you have heard before or can go thru life without knowing it and still live a full life!

I should say that he is an extremely nice person - and it’s thanks to him that I had the chance to meet Shona, Heather and Hollie and shared a part of their lives.

I have to admit tho that some – not much, tho – of his sharing have been pretty encouraging spiritually. And he was nice enuf to cook me a nice dinner before my Europetrip! ;-P

Very British meal - bacon and liver! First time i had lamb liver! Nice!

* This is a hilarious song sung by Adam Sandler - yes, the actor - in the movie, "The Wedding Singer".