Running on faith* - Eric Clapton

It has not been easy, being a parent - a first time parent. At times, it has been downright scary!!! There have been many moments of feeling utterly helpless anduseless - as there is only so much one can do as a parent.

For instance, how do we stop the jaudice (see my earlier post here)? How do we make it go away? We can just take her to the doctors and let them put her under the light. And then wait. Wait for each day's report on her blood test.

That is just one of the many examples. If we want to be paranoid, we can be worrying over the million and one things that could happen to her, all of which seems to be out of our control. At the most, we can minimise the risk - but can we ever eliminate it?

So one can just worry - and tears have been shed - most of which i think are due to feelings of helplessness, of not being able to do anything.

But thankfully, we have a God who is all powerful and all knowing. And we have a God who loves us so very much.

A fren recently reminded me - "It's difficult to ask you not to worry. But we have to learn to trust God. Small little things like this that challenges us".

That's so true. It is so difficult. But yet, we have to learn to trust in God. And he has yet to fail us!

One elder was preaching the other day about Moses, how his parents when he was a baby had to let him float down the river Nile in a basket, just having faith in God that he will protect their son. And sure enough, God did. Parents will have to learn to trust in God, to go in faith.

Taken from VersifyLife.com

*Taken from his album, Journeyman - apparently his favourite album! I love this song!

I know him so well* - Elaine Paige

We like La Cremeria ice cream! Not the best around - Haagendaz still holds the mantle for that - but not too bad. Interesting flavours, creamy, good taste. And nice container too!!!

Pic taken from Tesco's website

It is just the right height to use to defrost the milk for Shona. I was so glad to use it as the wife had been using the porcelein bowls and had to use two at a time. Using the La Cremeria box, i do not need to use anything else!

Until the wife decided to use the La Cremeria box to store some frozen food in the freezer. =( So back to using the heavy porcelein bowls...

That was some days ago. Fast forward to today. We were chatting in the car after lunch and i was telling her that Giant was having a sale for La Cremeria ice cream. She asked if it was really cheap and i said i think it was. It was normally around RM16, i think and when it is on sale, it can go to about RM13 plus. Now it is going for RM12.99.

She then responded by saying "...and you can use the box to defrost the milk!!!"

I was left laughing out loud as that was exactly the thing in my mind!!!

*One of my all time fav songs taken from the musical "Chess".

Survivor* - Destiny's Child

I recently started watching Breaking Bad - recommended by a good fren. Well, I have 5 seasons to catch up!!! It helps that the first only consist of 7 episodes!

Here is a quote from episode 5 of season 1 - and one of the best scenes of the series so far for me (i'm only at episode 6 of season 1):-

"...You've read the statistics sheet, these doctors talking about surviving, one year, two years, like it's the only thing that matters. But what good is it to survive if I'm too sick to work, to enjoy a meal, to make love. For what time I have left, I want to live in my own house, I want to sleep in my own bed. I don't want to choke down 40 or 50 pills every single day, and lose my hair, lie around, too tired to get up, and so nauseated that I can't even move my head. You cleaning up after me. Me... me some um... some dead man, some artifically alive, just marking time... No. And that's how you would remember me. That's the worst part. So... that is my thought process, Skyler... I'm sorry, it's just I choose not to do it". 

What would i do if in the same situation? I might just agree with this... and choose life!

*This song won the Best R&B Performance by a Duo or Group with Vocals at the 2002 Grammy Awards.

Satisfied* - Jewel

I went to watch Pacific Rim this week. I had a great sense of satisfaction after the movie!!! =)

I know people will talk about how bad it was - i have a friend who said she just wanted to run out of the cinema. Sure, it is predictable - and the story-line is a rip-off from The Avengers!!!

But the question i wanted to ask those who are complaining is what is it they expected when they went to watch Pacific Rim? Do people go to watch Pacific Rim for the story-line? For the acting? For the message that it preaches? For something to intellectually challenge themselves? If yes, i really dun know what to say about these people (without sounding offensive...).

Well, for me, i go to watch Pacific Rim to see giant robots fighting giant monsters!!! heck, even their tagline is "To fight monsters, we created monsters"!!!

And i got EXACTLY what i wanted!!! Big huge robots fighting big huge monsters!!!

You should have seen me the next day at office - my colleagues were super amused to see me rattle off about the movie like a small boy all excited over a robot movie!!!

Sure there were humans involved too... but i did not go to watch them!!!

If you look hard enough, you can see there are humans!!!

Having said that, i thought IdrisElba was pretty good IMHO! Rinko was nice to look at - and Ron Perlman was his usual watchable self!!!

I want my Pacific Rim toy NOW!!!!!!!!

*Her second single from her brilliant Sweet and Wild country album, it was also nominated for a Grammy for Best Country Vocal Performance, Female.

Yellow* - Coldplay

It has been more than 2 months - just a few days after the 60 day mark. We thank God that Shona has been generally well and healthy!

The biggest scare for us was her prolonged jaundice episode. When she was yellow. Not Simpsons yellow but it was pretty bad.

We were prepared for it. Deep down, i was hoping that she will be spared of it - but she was not. When it happened, we just prayed that it will be just like the normal jaundice cases. A lot of people were saying that "all" babies have it these days. Do not know how true is that statement - but perhaps it was not meant literally.

When her condition did not improve, we were advised by the clinic doctor to send her to the General Hospital to put Shona under the UV light for a while. We did.

"Chop"!!!! So Malaysian!!!

Having dinner in the corridor of the ward

Being the public hospital around, i think they weren't too keen to keep Shona around for long taking up a lamp - they would rather use it for more needy cases. In any event, we were glad that they thought Shona could go home.

But her condition did not improve that much. We took her back for her usual clinic check-up and were told her situation is not very good - kinda contradicting what the hospital doctor said!

 

The place where blood was drawn :(

But at the end of the day, we could see that Shona really wasn't her usual self. So we decided to check her into the private hospital and pay for a few nights there.

 We spent a couple of nights there until she showed signs of improvement.

The story did not end there, tho. She did improve but then there was a relapse a few days later. It was close to a month and by right, any jaundice would have disappeared by now.

To be honest, i was really worried. On top of that, i had to go back in Subang - have to conduct classes. Before i left, we took her to the government clinic and they were very worried. They did a urine test and took more blood to be tested. It took a while but we finally got the urine tested and it was fine. We however had to wait a few days for the results of the blood test. It was only out after i have left.

When i was back in Subang and before the blood test results came out, Shona's condition did not improve and the wife got really worried. I tried to sound brave and strong and told the wife not to worry - while i was worried sick. I told her to just wait for one or two days more for the result of the blood test.

But in the end, the wife brought Shona to see the specialist. The doctor informed us that it was breast-milk jaundice - since she was being breast-fed, she had this sepcial kind of jaundice. At the end of the day, what was important was that the doctor said it was nothing to worry about and that Shona is and will be fine.

Sure enough, when Shona went to the govenrment clinic for her routine check-up, the blood test results showed that she was fine.

She is a brave girl, no doubt!!!

Quite a drama for us first time parents. We are truly thankful that she recovered fully from the jaundice and is now in the pink of health (literally and figuratively)! No more yellowness.

*My fav song of theirs. It also reminds me of a monologue my fren did when he purposely sang it out of tune!!!

Superman (It's not easy)* - Five for Fighting

I was one of the first few people who caught Man of Steel. I was really interested to see how it is.

I really so wanted to enjoy it too. After all, i was one of the few people that actually enjoyed Superman Returns (yes, i did!!! You can read about it here). Well, this was supposed to be better! Hey, i even wore red underwear to the cinema (and like the new Superman, i did not reveal it!!!).

My verdict? It was more Super-meh than Superman.

Sure there were some good point about the movie. I have blogged about it in my other blog and you can read about the good and the bad of the movie there.

On another note, i realise that watching movies cannot be the same again. It was the same realisation i had when i saw The Lion King musical for the second time when i was in London last year with the wife. It was a different experience, watching it as an expecting father.

The best part of Man of Steel to me was when his parents had to deal with sending him away. I found tears in my eyes as i know how painful it may have been. But it was the right thing to do - the best thing to do. Parents will do whatever it takes to protect their child, to ensure their child has a better future. Even if it means it comes with a great personal cost.

I guess the real Superman - and Superwoman - in the movie was Kal-El's parents. And i hope that i will be a Superman to my Shona too. It's not easy but by God's grace, i hope i can.

*Featured on a few TV series (Smallville was one of them, of course!) and nominated for a Grammy in 2002.

Feeling good* - Michael Bublé

"So how does it feel to be a father?" Someone asked me that - and i couldn't answer him. Not immediately. I feel good! But it was more than just that.

Where shall I start? I have been overwhelmed by so many feelings and emotions since the day - no, the moment I saw her for the first time in the delivery room. I'll never forget that feeling. It was the best feeling I have ever experienced in m life. I way over the moon. Heck, I was over Mars and Venus too!

Since then, almost 1 month has passed. It has been a crazy one month, with our learning curve as parents going up steeply and quickly, with visits to the doctors, with reading so much to learn so many things, and at the same time, catching up on work in a crazy last few weeks of the term, not to mention suffering from dengue fever!!!

Truth be told, part of the reason why I could not answer the question on the spot was simply cuz I din know the answer. I mean, I know what I have been feeling but I have not had the opportunity to really sit down and think about it.

Yes, I *am* happy - to say the least. I'm proud. I'm ecstatic. I feel so blessed. God has been so good and gracious to us by blessing us this way.

And yet, at the same time, I feel afraid. I am scared. This is the real thing. There is no trial run. We cannot reboot it nor can we start afresh if we mess it up. Are we up to it? Will we do a good job? How will she turn out to be? Are we really ready? But can anyone ever say that they are?

And I know also that this blessing will bring together with it moments of hurt, feelings of helplessness, sleepless nights, stressful and worrisome days... But that is what we "signed up" for. The price to pay will be high - but at the same time, we know - and we were just reminded by the speaker tonight - that the rewards are sure. And the rewards are priceless. And the rewards will truly outweigh the sacrifices that we will have to make.

Is it any wonder why I could not answer that question immediately? There are just too many answers!!! But I am glad he asked it - and I am glad I have the time to think about it.

*His remake of this wonderful jazz song originally sung by Nina Simone. 

Waiting for that day* - George Michael

Another new day at Ipoh... 

3 days have come and gone since the day when she was suppose to come. Today does not seem like the day too... but then again, we won't be surprised if she decides to show up! 

We've been preparing for this day for so long - and we've been expecting her since last week. Yet, she still seems to be comfortable where she is and is delaying her coming. 

Well, to say that we've been preparing for so long may not be so accurate. Sure, we've been making the arrangements etc. but truth be told, i've been so busy lately that altho her coming has been on my mind a lot, i've not really been preparing myself very well. So in that sense, it is a good thing that she is not here yet - the extra days have been used to prepare myself - mentally and physically (trying to get lots of rest!!!). The missus and i have also been spending a lot of time together knowing that times like these will not be easilly found when she's here.

So while the tension is high and the suspense is great, we are still enjoying ourselves and looking with great anticipation for her appearance! I hope it'll be sooner rather than later as i have to get back to work soon...

We may not always get what we want - but God will give us everything we need!

*Taken from his brilliant Listen without Prejudice album, this song is medley-ed with You can't always get what you want.

Do you hear the people sing?* - Cast of Les Miserables

I woke up a few times. Couldn't really sleep well. perhaps it was anxiety. Perhaps it was the excitement. I'm sure there was some sadness too. It's probably a combination of all three.

Anyways, i wanted to get up early and go before everyone else.By the time i got there, a steady queue has been formed - and it was growing by the second!!!

By the time 8 o'clock struck, i couldn't see where the line ended. It just went on and on and rounded a corner at the bottom of the street. I was glad that they opened the gates on the dot. Having said that, there was another round of waiting when we got it. We were herded and amde to stand in line following our allocated stream. It was like school assembly all over again! When we finally were called to go to the classrooms, we had to wait while tehy verified (paintakingly) the details of each voter before allowing them to do their thing! But it was all over. 

As i walked me mom out of the school and back to her house, the crowd was in full strength! It felt good. Really. Even from the start of my wait, i was touched by the fact that people took it so seriously that they actually decided to wake up early on a Sunday morning and queue up. Spirits were high and stangers chat with each other, their main common ground is that we are all Malaysians and we all want to play our part. When they called for senior citizens to move up ahead of the queue, one could see so many of them - some with the aid of walking sticks, most who should have been in bed instead of being out in the humidity - actually wanting to vote. Surely not for themselves (only). They are doing it - I'm sure - for their children and their grandchildren. I saw a frail old man being wheeled on a wheelchair. I heard later how this mentally challenged young man with a paralysed right hand still wanted to go and make his mark, literally. 

Truth be told, i felt a little down in recent days - partly due to the fact that some people have decided not to vote. Some of them are even proud about it, some amking a joke of the whole thing. I felt sad. I felt sadder when others commend these people. 

But today, i can see that these are in the minority.For today, I saw my fellow citizens coming out together on huge numbers and in one voice, from all ages, of all backgrounds, a lot are physically challenged, braving the heat and uncomfortableness, sacrificing their time and more, going to cast their vote. I do not know who they have voted for but I am proud to be one of them today who got our nails blue (tho for some, not for long) and who fulfilled our duty to our beloved country.

You could almost hear them singing together that we are Malaysians and we want to have a say in the democratic process of our nation. We are singing a song that tells others that we care. 

*This song was chosen to be the closing song for the movie version released recently.

A change would do you good* - Sheryl Crow

Why would one want to vote for the oppostion? Are we not living comfortable lives here? Do we want to risk the stability we enjoy? Should we not be happy with the way things are? We can surely name many other countries in a worse condition when compared with our country. 

So why should I vote for the opposition? Because i have had enough of the racism in this country (even BN consist of parties which are divided by race!!!). I have had enough of being asked what my race is even though I am Malaysian. I have had enough of the corruption we see everyday. I have had enough of the exploitation - and although i live in some comfort, many others are denied basic human rights and necessities. I have had enough of people getting (filthy) rich unjustly and no action is taken against them. I have had enough of the arrogance - which is understandable after being in power and in control for more than half a century. 

By voting for the opposition, i hope i spread the message that if the government does not perform satisfactory, then we the people can remove them. Similarly, this message should go to the opposition that if they come into power and likewise are corrupt and racist etc, then we the people can remove them. I see the good done in Penang (although some have gone to great lengths to cover it) and i hope the same good will come to this country too. I cannot be 100% sure what will happen if the opposition win - but i can be sure of what will happen if they don't. And because of that, my vote this Sunday is pretty much confirmed.

I hope to vote for a better future for my children. If the future for them is improved, then i will be so happy. If the future is not good, i hope they will forgive me - but still be proud knowing that i dared to do something to make a change for the better.

* The 4th single from her 2nd album.