I saw her standing there* - Tifanny

Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother, his mother's sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, "Dear woman, here is your son," and to the disciple, "Here is your mother." From that time on, this disciple took her into his home.

John 19:25-27

We were studying this passage on Monday. I have shared about this passage many times - the first time when to the youths and when i asked them what lesson can we learn from it, some smart alec said "Give your mother to John"!!!!

This passage is a wonderful example of how Jesus is always putting others first. He was going thru excruciating suffering - but he saw her standing there, he took the time to make sure that his earthly mother would have be taken cared off after he leaves, even tho he was in great anguish and agony.

But on Monday, an interesting thought struck me as i listened to the teaching leader. I have always forgotten that besides Mary and John, there were also other women who were there, near the cross of Jesus. Salome was one of them!

Now Salome was the mother of John - and we were wondering how she must have felt when Jesus asked her (Salome's) son to be the son of Mary! We were also reminded that this was Salome who not too long ago went up to Jesus asking (almost demanding) that Jesus makes her sons to be his right hand and left hand men!

We always remember Salome for that - short-sighted, not spiritual, failing to understand the plan of God.

But we see in this passage that when all of Jesus' disciples, all his closest companions deserted him (except John), only a few women stayed close by him near the cross. And as Jesus hung dying on the cross, he must have saw her standing there. She could have very well come to the conclusion that Jesus was a loser and will not make her sons great men in an earthly kingdom - yet she stayed closed to him to the very end.

As i thought about it, i wondered about myself - when Jesus is being attacked and ridiculed and mocked, will i run away quietly of will he see me standing there, identifying myself with him?

I hope it would be the latter.

*Her cover version of this brilliant song by the Fab Four!

First time* - Lifehouse

The first time i ever heard of Paramore was in 2006, at Essex, when i stumbled upon this clip of them on YouTube:-

I fell in love with them immediately!!!!! This immediately became one of my favourite songs - and till today, this is my favourite song of theirs. This version. So so good!

I supposed part of the reason why i love them is also because they are tied in with my experience and memories of being at Colchester. I remembered sharing this clip wif Markus knowing he would enjoy it as much as i did. I still remember that time when we were chatting in his room - and then i showed him this clip on his laptop...

They're performing now not far away - and i'm not there. =( But at least i can listen to them thru these clips!

*Their first single from their 4th album.

Everything changes* - Take That

All my students have safely landed in the UK and are quickly settling into life there, trying to shake off their jet lag. And less than 24 hours after the last few touched down there, i will be meeting my new students.

Maybe it's a good thing - not having much time to miss my students...

Come tomorrow, everything changes. During our staff meeting last Friday, the Dean was saying how i was the only staff member who was there when she first joined. Yes, i will be the most senior member in terms of the time spent in Taylor's Law School. The school has changed completely. Everyone who was here when i first joined has left.

The head of the school is now the Dean - and she joined not long after i did. The admin staff are all different. All my frens who were my fellow lecturers have either left or retired. We are now located at the new campus. And we'll be having 40 plus new students tomorrow.

Taylor's Law School is totally unrecognisable if you last saw it before the academic year of 2007-2008.

I'm not complaining. I like the new campus. I've been back to the old campus a couple of times and altho the walls there hold lots of wonderful memories, the building without the people is nothing.

I have a good working relationship with the admin staff. I get along pretty well with the Dean and the Deputy Dean. Altho i do not know the new staff members well, the initial signs bodes well and i am excited to be working with them - after all, new brooms sweep cleaner, dun they?

Students? Well, they come and go. That is a given. It would be bad for all if they do not leave!!!!

But altho we know they will leave us, altho it is expected that they will eventually leave, it still does not make it any more easier when they actually do.

Sure, there are some that you dun mind - and are in fact happy - to see their backs as they go off. But i'm so blessed as those are few. Very few.

Being with the students most of the time, they do hold special places in my heart. We share so much together, go to places for visits or just hang out on campus. I really enjoy their company. At times, they are the ones that keep me going. What is my crown and my reward? Them! They have a way of brightening up my days, they never fail to make me laugh, they bring so much happiness and laughter into my life, they entertain me with their antics, they encourage me with their potential, they even teach me a thing or two even if i'm supposed to be the teacher!

And for some of them, they are not just my students - they are my frens. They support me, lend me an ear to listen, earn my trust, pull me up when i'm down, make me feel good when i feel otherwise. Is it any wonder why i'll miss them?

The over 10 thousand km separating us now will be the test of our frenship. Will it be"out of sight, out of mind"? Or "absence makes the heart grows fonder"? Altho i hope it is the latter, it is usually the former. After all, it must be so exciting and so fun for all them now, seeing new places, meeting new people, experiencing a brand new life!

Them being there will change our relationship - and it'll prolly never be the same again. Still, i'll try not to be sad. For this is inevitable. This is life. I've been thru so much of goodbyes that i've accepted it as part and parcel of what we have to go thru while we're still on this terrestrial ball. And instead of being sad, i will be happy for those moments that we shared together.

Yes, everything changes - but that is not a bad thing, for thru knowing them, my life has been changed forever.

And for that, my dear students, i thank you - and i thank God for knowing you.

*The title track of their 2nd album, this song was released as a single when i was studying in London - so it always brings back wonderful memories! =)

All the time in the world* - Boyzone

I was going thru some posts for purposes of tagging them - and when i started looking thru the posts that i did when i was in the UK, i found them to be of much better quality!

They really capture the emotions that i was going thru at that time and rereading them left me emotionally touched.

Could it be that life was really so good back then - and life these days cannot compare/not as interesting? Well, of course life back then seemed more exciting - it was an adventure, seeing new places, meeting new people, going thru new experiences. But it would not be fair to say that life was better then.

Life today is just as challenging - and i am going thru new and exciting things!

Or am i just growing up and getting mellow? Do we all grow up into boring old farts? Well, i did turned down an offer to go watch Slash in concert just to spend some quiet time with tGiF!!!!

As i was thinking about it, i concluded that the main difference between now and then is that i used to have so much free time back then!!! So i had the luxury of not rushing thru my posts, of really exploring my feelings and taking the trouble to put transform them into words in a blog.

Unlike these days when blogging means a rushed job during lunch time or just before i drop onto my bed, rushing to sleep so that i can be physically and mentally alert the next morning. Back then, even if i had a 9 am class, i could go as a zombie and crash back onto my bed 5 minutes after the class end!!!!

If only i had the time to do what i want in the way i want it to be... like for this post, i really dun like how it is being written. I actually stopped earlier on, wanting to procrastinate this post to another time as i know if i forced it out now, it won't do justice to how i feel and what i really want to say now.

But perhaps tt's a luxury i can ill afford to have these days... =(

p/s - all photos were taken in various places in the UK back during the time when i blogged better(?)!

*Featured as a bonus track on their 3rd studio album, it was also included in their compilation album, By Request.

Goodbye* - Michelle Branch

It's that time of the year again - i've been so busy and distracted that i almost forgot about it. It's the season of 'goodbyes'. =(

Yup, September will be always be remembered for the many frens i have had to bid farewell to. It all started mainly way back in 1993 when i had to say goodbye to my family and frens here. The following year, i had say goodbye to a whole of people whom i have grown to love when i was studying in London.

It was the same when i had to go and do my Masters degree too. We had so many farewells when the year ended, all so memorable. Yes, is till remember all of them - especially mine, when a mini entourage followed walked me to the Uni bus stop.

Now, in the recent years, September is the time to say my goodbyes to students who have grown to be frens. For this year, it has oredi begun - some have gone back to do their Bar. One has gone back to her hometown and will be flying off from there. I just said goodbye to another last nite as she'll be leaving earlier to spend some time in London.

As the character of Eva in the musical Evita sings about her love life in "Another Suitcase in Another Hall", i echo similar words in this situation, that altho i anticipate the goodbyes, but all the same i don't it. Wouldn't you?

Having said that, it is such a bittersweet experience - of course it hurts knowing that i'll never see them again for some time. But it also helps us appreciate what we had - and what we have. It's a cliché but we never really know what we have until it's gone - or is about to leave.

Come next week, i'll be bidding farewell to most of my students. I'm happy for them - and excited for them. I'll be thinking of my frens whom i had said my farewells years ago. It is sad that i have not heard from some of them again - especially my flatmates at Rayleigh Tower and my workmates at Food-on-3. To all of them, i said "See you later" - just like how the locals do over there. I like that - it sounds so much better than "Goodbye".

I dun know when i'll see any of me mates and me students again - but if i do, i hope we can still take it from where we last left.

And when every door closes, another opens. October is the month of 'Hellos' - and this year, it no exception - i'll be saying hello to my returning students and meeting new ones again. The circle starts again.

I just wanna end off this post with some nice 'goodbye quotes' i found online:-

Don't be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetime, is certain for those who are friends. ~Richard Bach

We only part to meet again. ~John Gay

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. ~Carol Sobieski and Thomas Meehan, Annie

And my all time favourite:-

不要因为结束而哭泣，微笑吧，为你的曾经拥有。

*This song was featured in an episode of Buffy - one of my favourite episodes, and one of my favourite songs. yes, I first heard it some time in September 2006.

Change* - Taylor Swift

I've been avoiding reading the local news lately - it gets just too depressing. But it is hard to run away from the things which are happening in my country - and like an ostrich, just by burying my head in the sand does not make it go away.

I got home from a holiday - and along the way, i encountered some cops who appeared to me to be corrupt cops (see here). Then when i got home, i heard about this provocative article in the Utusan Malaysia newspaper entitled "Orang Cina Malaysia, Apa Lagi Anda Mahu?".

Then i finally decided to watch this clip. It starts off very depressingly but there is hope at the end.

What is the hope? There is hope that things can change - but we will have to bring the change. Let's make the change, shall we?

*The last track from her album Fearless, this song was also meant for the American Olympians.

Forgiven but not forgotter* - The Corrs

"The evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interred with their bones..."

William Shakespeare (spoken by Marc Anthony in Julius Ceaser in Act 3, Scene 2)

I like this quote by Shakespeare - like in the sense that i fully agree with it, altho i dun like the fact that it is true. Taken on its own and a little out of context, this quote correctly highlights the fact that we are more likely to remember the wrong that one does rather than the good.

It is a bit frustrating - esp if you are from a local church not dissimilar to the one i attend. No one really bothers if you do all the good in the world - but cross a line a wee bit and you will be summoned before the elders and people will start talking about you (not, not about how nice your shirt was).

But hey, no one said that Christians are supposed to be perfect. But why limit it to Christians? Everyone is surely guilty of this albeit in differing degrees.

Fact - people will do wrong. But it is also true that to a lot of people, it is easier to forgive than to forget! Altho IMHO, to forgive *is* to forget. That is the example set for us by God himself. If we are truly repentant, he will forgive us - and it will never be brought up again. Simply because the price has been paid by Jesus on the cross.

But people are not like God. They will remember. And no matter how much good you do, they always seem to bring up things in the past to out you down. To put me down.

Having said that, i'm thankful for people who actually do forget when they forgive. A good example is my boss. The Dean of the Law School. I'm always grateful to her for always trusting and believing in me - even tho i have let her down many times. The worst (and i hope it'll be the worst ever) was when parents would be calling her up late last year to complain about me.

Yet she kept the faith in me - and today, she never brings up the past. Well, not never. If she does bring it up, it's more to encourage me rather than to put me down.

I hope to always be able to forgive - as the saying goes, to err is human, to forgive is divine. And in forgiving, i hope to forget - for many have forgiven me and forgotten about it. God is the supreme example.

*The title track of their debut album - clearly not among my favourites as i do not agree with the title!

Where I want to be* - Josh Groban

"...you know, previously whenever you talk about london, i never truly could comprehend how and why you felt so much attachment to this city. never thought i would feel the same! but yes, i do now.. so so em seh tak to leave this place - all the memories and the ppl and the freedom...so much things i've yet to do. but i suppose no one can ever say they're done wif london since it's such a happening city wif everything!"

The above is an excerpt from an e-mail a student sent to me not too long ago.

A lot of people have wondered about my 'obsession' with London - yes, even for those who have been there. Some have hated while others liked it - but they have not fallen in love with London! A mate who has been there a few times does not understand why i keep on going back there - he tells me to go see other places. he can't understand - and he's not the only one. Yet, after staying in London for a while, they begin to understand how i feel.

The student above was not the only people who voiced such sentiments.

Me, on London Bridge, looking out at London!
(Photo credit - Michele, 2005)

So what is it about London that has charmed me so much? The history? The culture? The arts? The theaters? The food? The people?

Yes, to all of the aforesaid - but more! It is also the memories i have of that place. London after all was the first place outside of Malaysia that was my home for a while - at least a year! I grew up a lot there - i experienced so much wonderful moments, happiness of the highest order and plunged into the deepest sorrows, i tasted real true freedom, i had such crazy times there too.

Yet, even that does not fully explain it. I guess it's just one of the things in life that you cannot give an answer to. The fact remains - London is the place where i want to be.

So why am i not there? Well, you can't always get wat you want, can you?

I am in fact supposed to be there now. But i'm not. The irony is that so many people i know are there or are going to be there or were just there!!!! It was almost like some forces were trying to rub it in on me!!!!

Still, i'm not bitter about not being there. One thing that London does not have - the people here. My family, tGiF, my frens, my students.

p/s - not being there did not stoip me from thinking about London. Check out my latest post on Holly's Lists here about the places i loved to hang out at when i was there.

*Taken from Chess in Concert which took place in London (where else?) in 2008.

Where did he go?* - Keri Hilson

The finals for the US Open should start in a few hours' time. But i dun really care. After, Roger Federer isn't playing. =(

Where is Roger Federer? He wasn't at the finals of the US Open. Nor was he there at the Wimbledon finals this year too. Can someone please tell me where he went?

Pic taken from The Globe and Mail site

Sure, he made brief appearances at times (see here), but most of the time, he disappeared. Someone who looks like and plays like - tho not as well - is taking his place. And i'm so sad. Is that 'impostor' really Roger? It can't be, can it? Then why is he not playing like he used to?

Look at my previous posts about him, how the way he plays is Unbelievable and describing him as the World's Greatest. Look at his stats when he won the Wimbledon the last time (2007 - yes, that seemed really long ago). What has happened to him? Has fatherhood changed him? Has he lost the hunger? Maybe he has won it all so there is no more incentive for him? Or perhaps he was too hurt by some of the painful matches (eg his loss to Nadal in the 2008 Wimbledon finals)? Maybe he needs a new coach. Or it could be all of the above. I dun think it's because others have learnt how to beat him - because most of the time, he does not get beaten. He just throws the game away. It was not the brilliance of his opponent but more due to his own unforced errors. (Nadal fans will get on my case for saying this!!!).

Whatever it is, i really hope we see him again cuz it just isn't the same. He is still the one that i wanna watch. The others are good but not as entertaining. Come back soon, Roger.

Hope to see you at Australia next year.

*The last track of her debut album - to be frank, i dun really think much of this song! =P

Do it for our country* - Peter Frechette

I read an interesting article not too long ago - "Should Chelsea Pair Be Punished for their 'Injury' Inspired England Absence". You can read the posting here.

Yup, these two players were playing for their clubs - and then 'suddenly' could not play for their country, one having to go for an operation and the other told to rest.

It is interesting as many have seen these players put club over country. What do you think?

An interesting study in contrast would be Spurs' Dawson and Defoe - both very important to the North London side but both still making it for the international games for their country when they were needed.

Unfortunately, both were injured and now will miss their club matches.

Dawson injured during the Bulgaria game

Defoe being stretchered out during the Swiss game

Isn't it an honour to play for your country? It is definitely more profitable to play for your club. In any event, even if the Chelsea duo still wants the honour to play for England, i hope the manager would not put them back in automatically - after all, England performed badly when these two played during the World Cup (and played badly too) but in their "injury inspired absence", England played really well!

Pics all obtained from various sites online

*Taken from the soundtrack of Grease 2, it was actually a duet in the movie but ended up as a solo on the soundtrack! Apparently, the girl din turn up for recording!!!