"So how does it feel to be a father?" Someone asked me that - and i couldn't answer him. Not immediately. I feel good! But it was more than just that.
Where shall I start? I have been overwhelmed by so many feelings and emotions since the day - no, the moment I saw her for the first time in the delivery room. I'll never forget that feeling. It was the best feeling I have ever experienced in m life. I way over the moon. Heck, I was over Mars and Venus too!
Since then, almost 1 month has passed. It has been a crazy one month, with our learning curve as parents going up steeply and quickly, with visits to the doctors, with reading so much to learn so many things, and at the same time, catching up on work in a crazy last few weeks of the term, not to mention suffering from dengue fever!!!
Truth be told, part of the reason why I could not answer the question on the spot was simply cuz I din know the answer. I mean, I know what I have been feeling but I have not had the opportunity to really sit down and think about it.
Yes, I *am* happy - to say the least. I'm proud. I'm ecstatic. I feel so blessed. God has been so good and gracious to us by blessing us this way.
And yet, at the same time, I feel afraid. I am scared. This is the real thing. There is no trial run. We cannot reboot it nor can we start afresh if we mess it up.
Are we up to it? Will we do a good job? How will she turn out to be? Are we really ready? But can anyone ever say that they are?
And I know also that this blessing will bring together with it moments of hurt, feelings of helplessness, sleepless nights, stressful and worrisome days...
But that is what we "signed up" for. The price to pay will be high - but at the same time, we know - and we were just reminded by the speaker tonight - that the rewards are sure. And the rewards are priceless. And the rewards will truly outweigh the sacrifices that we will have to make.
Is it any wonder why I could not answer that question immediately? There are just too many answers!!! But I am glad he asked it - and I am glad I have the time to think about it.
*His remake of this wonderful jazz song originally sung by Nina Simone.