Thursday, 30 November 2006
As i sat there last nite watching Smallville and eating cream crackers with peanut butter, i even surprised meself at what a good mood i was in! And as i thought about it, i just felt so so blessed. I have frens who'd let me stay with them for free, frens who'd provide for me when i am in need.
And i have a family who are behind me all the way. And even if i were to be like the prodigal son and go back broke and jobless, no doubt the fatted calf will be slaughtered and the best robes will be brought out for me.
I guess people can say that i am truly lucky. Well, in their eyes, i may be. But i have to disagree. Being lucky means that all the good things in me life happened by chance. That is not true.
I have to thank God for surrounding me with such wonderful people, for ensuring that i'm not an island - even if i dun deserve such blessings.
Today, i came back to campus and it's really so good to be here again - meeting people as i walk along the grounds, chatting with mates in the kitchen, having a drink at the cafe, being invited for a home-cooked meal by 2 lovely ladies (see pic on the left), feeling welcomed and cared for. Oh, i even manage to get some work for the next couple of days or so - something which i achieved after being back for less than 2 hours and something i couldn't do even if i had been in London for more than 2 weeks!
A big... no, HUGE thank you to me mates and me family.
And thank you, Lord.
* I used to be a big fan of Britney and liked this song very much - tho not as much as Sometimes. I like the lyrics of this song too - one can have everything the world can give but yet still feel empty and lonely.
Wednesday, 29 November 2006
When i tried to withdraw money today, i was shocked to be informed that there are insufficient funds in me account! Someone withdrew all me money out of me account over the weekend. There's less than 9 quid left in me account!!!!! Plus the 4 quid plus i have in me wallet, that means that i have around 13 pounds left!!!!!
Great! I'm jobless - and now i'm broke!!!! And i just happen to be living in what is the 2nd or 3rd most expensive city in the world to live in!!!!
I guess the good thing about it is that i've been in a surprisingly good mood today - that even this failed to dampen me spirits! Thank God - if this happened like last Friday... well, God knows how much we can take!
Upon checking with the bank, they did gave me the impression that i should be able to get me money back. But that would prolly take up to 2 weeks fastest!
So, if anyone wants to support my expensive lifestyle here, go to www.helpmin-anstayinlondon.org.uk and make a donation. Receipts can be issued for tax relief purposes! Each donation will entitle you to eternal gratitude from yours truly! ;-P
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah
I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everthing's gonna be fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five
Alright, i'm not short... but the rest of the lyrics of this song so describes how i feel now!
* Brilliant song from her brilliant "Jagged Little Pill" album. Despite all the angst in the album, this song is surprisingly optimistic!
Monday, 27 November 2006
Revelations 7 v 17
The preacher spoke last nite on Revelations 7. When he came to this verse, he highlighted sumthing which really hit me - God himself will wipe away the tears - not some angels. Just like how a parent will hold a crying child tightly and dry his/her tears, that's what God will do.
What a lovely, tender and comforting thought.
Tears at the end of a camp in 2005
Beyond the door, there's peace I'm sure,
And i know there'll be no more tears in heaven
Eric Clapton & Will Jennings
* One of their early hits, and when i was a big fan of them!
Saturday, 25 November 2006
CK: So what’s up with the… uh… floating balloon?
R: It’s Warrior Angel’s aerodrome – a floating fortress where he can get away from his troubles on earth.
CK: Sounds like something everybody should have…
My aerodrome is the little reading corner of Borders along Oxford Street (not the Charing Cross Road branch, KC ;-P). Whenever I just want to escape from the worries and the dark clouds of life – and in recent days, there has been a lot – I head there. I dun stay there long. In a short time, I’d be transported to different worlds, I’d be in New York, in Budapest, in Tokyo, in London… wait a minute. I am in London!!!!
I go there and read.
I just completed Archer’s False Impressions. Initially, I must admit that I felt a little bad going to Borders and finish reading an entire novel there and placing it back on the shelves. This is not a library!
But they openly advertise about the reading areas in their bookshops. They expect people to grab a book and sit on their comfy armchairs and sofas and read! I guess they also expect customers to get so hooked on the book that they can’t leave the shop without it – and not to just come again and again and spend hours to finish the book!
Archer’s False Impressions is him back to his good form. He should stop all those short stories and focus on novels. In some ways, FI is typical Archer – exotic locations, strong characters, twists, dry humour. I like how this time round, Van Gogh’s self-portrait plays a big role in the story. And Archer cleverly uses the 9/11 incident in his book too. Having his heroine being in the North Tower when the first jet hit the South Tower on that fateful day, that chapter was edge of the seat gripping stuffs, with acts of heroism that will move you to tears.
Yes, I’m advertising for Borders! Great place to be. Great books to choose from. They play great music – I was reading Archer while taping me feet to music by the Beatles, U2 and Oasis! Best of all is that they close at 11 pm!!!! Yeah, when it gets dark, when the attractions and museums are closed, when shops shut, you can count on Borders to welcome you – and transport you to a whole new world.
Only problem is that like with every form of escapism, it is only temporal in nature – and I’d have to replace the book and go out into the cold dark nite…
Pic of book cover taken from here.
* Everyone knows the Peabo Bryson & Reginna Belle's version on the soundtrack of Alladin - which is nice - but i like this version which was the one used in the movie itself.
Friday, 24 November 2006
No. Not for me anyways…
Later today, Di will be leaving for home for good. I said goodbye to her last nite – and after I hung up, I was surprised at how it affected me.
It’s prolly the last goodbye, in the context of me flatmates. Those who remain are those who are still pursuing their studies or are starting long term employment.
Altho I never spent as much time as I would have liked to wif Di, somehow, I felt that she was one whom I could relate to a lot. Both of us were the older ones in the flat and both have previously lived in East London. We’d lament together how despite being so old, we still retain the old habits of leaving everything to the last minute.
I was glad to have spent some time wif her on Tuesday – where with another fren of hers, we had a wonderful meal at Misato. Promises were made and plans were drawn up for a reunion in Beijing next year – yes, she would take me for seafood if I go at the right time! :-)
I really hope it’ll come to pass. And we'll meet again someday...
* Oldie which was recently used in the movie, "The Notebook".
I dun think I’ll be giving any major spoilers if I just say that the movie is about 2 teenagers who got stuck in a black & white TV series – and how they brought colour into the lives of the people there.
OK – so maybe, the spoiler is quite major. But if you haven’t watched it by now, it won’t matter!
I sorta enjoyed it but won’t rank the movie really high on me list.
But some parts really touched me – especially seeing the little colour bits appearing little by little - and I was brought to recall the lyrics of an old Christian song sung by Sandi Patti which we sang for Christmas many years ago. The song started of like this:-
He could have made it black and white and we’d never know.
Well, we dun have to imagine it – cuz it was not meant to be that way. Thank God. Literally!
Thursday, 23 November 2006
In the movie Airplane and its sequel, there’s this hilarious recurring theme where the main character starts talking to people about his past – and he gets so long winded or boring that the people he talks to actually kill themselves – or attempts to!
If I ever watch those movies again, I won’t laugh at those scenes – I’ve living it now!!!
Earlier on, I stood for over an hour while me host droned on and on. As I stood there and tried to phase out like I always do, all I could think of was hitting me head against the wall!
I am not exaggerating – I timed it. It was close to 70 minutes of monologue. I remained on me feet at the hope that perhaps he may have pity on me and “release me”. I also din wanna encourage him by taking a seat – it was after all past 1 am in the morning!
But he just went on and on and on and on…
There are many more incidents – which I initially wanted to add in great detail in this post but decided against it in case I bore you to death. I wouldn’t want anyone to go thru wat I do on an almost daily basis.
I really dun know how to deal with it – he is after all me host who has kindly let me stay with him for FREE. He is so much older than me and me Asian values tell me to respect him, even give “face”.
That is why I never interrupt him, I never cut him off, I never blow him off. In fact, I even maintain eye contact with him all the time and smile feebly when he laughs at his own stories. In the past, I even ask some questions to show that I was following – but that only makes things worse.
Like yesterday, he mentioned about the place where “Amazing Grace” was written. I asked where it is. Next thing I know, he led me to the hall and he spends a considerable time studying the map of England trying to look for the place. When he couldn’t, he started looking up in his ancient encyclopaedias, in spite of me pleas that it really din matter to me at all.
What makes things worse is that he’ll tell the same stories over and over and over again. I’ve lost count at how many times I’ve heard the story of how he met his girlfriend. There was once when he started on another story and I politely cut in and said that he told me that already and even told him the ending of the story. That did not stop him for going thru every single minute detail of the story again!!!!!!!!!
I’m really mean, blogging bout this. But try standing for 70 minutes at 1 am in the morning, listening to the sleepy droning of a monologue of things which either you have heard before or can go thru life without knowing it and still live a full life!
I should say that he is an extremely nice person - and it’s thanks to him that I had the chance to meet Shona, Heather and Hollie and shared a part of their lives.
I have to admit tho that some – not much, tho – of his sharing have been pretty encouraging spiritually. And he was nice enuf to cook me a nice dinner before my Europetrip! ;-P
* This is a hilarious song sung by Adam Sandler - yes, the actor - in the movie, "The Wedding Singer".
Tuesday, 21 November 2006
I miss falling asleep with you in my arms…
I miss feeling the smooth curves of your lovely body…
Through tears and laughter, you always had time for me, you never judge me, you were there for me, day and nite.
When I’m with you, all inhibitions are set aside. I can be who I am, I can express what I feel, I am free to be just me.
I love the way how we make such wonderful harmony when we’re together.
It’s so clichéd – but yet, so true. When we were together, I could go weeks just ignoring you. But now that I’m away, my heart pines for you.
I’m so sorry I had to leave you behind. But be rest assured, I’ll come to take you to be with me once more. Soon.
And then, we’ll make music together again.
* Taken from the musical, The Phantom of the Opera, the best musical I’ve ever watched! Brilliant set, wonderful songs, tragic storyline. I remember queuing for hours on 3 different days before getting prolly the best seats in the house! This song is a really sad song – and no one does it better than Sarah.
Monday, 20 November 2006
I received bad news from back home…
Agencies regret to tell me that there are strangely no temporary vacancies available…
She din e-mail me…
No shops in town are looking for any temp staff…
It was cloudy and gloomy all day long…
I had a migraine…
Days like this makes me just wanna go home.
* This song was known as the "loser's song" on American Idol a couple of seasons ago. Nice song and i really love the video.
Saturday, 18 November 2006
Ya, dia telah berkenalan perempuan tersebut bulan yang lalu dan selepas 2 minggu, dia telah menjadi teman lelakinya!
Nasib baik saya, sebagai seorang bekas peguam dan juga seorang pelakun amatur, pandai merahsiakan perasaan saya bila saya dimaklumkan berita tersebut! ;-)
Mungkin saya seorang yang berfikiran kuno – tetapi saya berpendapat bahawa tempoh masa 2 minggu terlalu singkat untu berkenalan dengan seorang dan menjadi teman lelakinya!!!!
Jadi apa yang boleh saya buat? Inilah kali pertama kawan saya mendapati seorang teman perempuan. Patutkah saya – seperti cakap orang putih – “menuangkan air sejuk” ke atasnya?
Apa yang juga membimbangkan adalah perbezaan agama mereka. Ini tentu akan membankitkan masalah dalam masa hadapan.
Tetapi, anggapan saya salah. Kawan saya telah memberitahu saya bahawa perbezaan agama sudah sekarang menimbulkan masalah dan mengakibatkan banyak pergaduhan di antara mereka berdua.
Apa yang merumitkan perkara ini adalah bila saya berjumpa perempuan tersebut – saya suka dia!
Tunggu, tunggu – jangan salah faham. Bukan seperti yang anda fikirkan. Bukan suka dalam makna itu. Kalau dia seorang yang kurang ajar atau sombong, adalah lebih senang untuk saya memaklumkan kawan ku bahawa saya mepunyai keraguan tentang perhubangannya dengan perempuan tersebut. Tetapi, perempuan tersebut bukan sebegitu.
Jadi, apa yang saya buat?
Saya memberitahu dia bahawa saya gembira untuk dia dan berharap semoga perhubungan mereka akan berkekal. Dan saya benar-benar berasa demikian. Saya tidak berbohong kepadanya. Saya telah memaklumkan dia bahawa saya berpendapat bahawa perhubungan mereka berjalan dengan sangat laju. Tetapi saya tetap akan menyokong dia dalam keputusannya.
Saya masih ingat beberapa bulan yang lalu bila dia telah meyokong saya dalam suatu keputusan saya walaupun dia tidak bersetuju dengannya (dan pada mula-mula telah memperlikan saya!!!).
Saya percaya bahawa ini adalah salah satu tanda seorang kawan yang benar. Oleh itu, saya akan cuba untuk berbuat demikian walaupun saya berpendapat bahawa 2 minggu adalah terlalu singkat untuk memulakan perhubungan dengan sesiapapun, walaupun saya berfikir bahawa kasih cinta mereka buat masa ini bukan kasih cinta yang jati. Saya berfikiran kuno, kan?
Oh, jika anda masih belum teka lagi, kawan saya tersebut ada baca blog ini – tetapi beliau tidak faham Bahasa Malaysia. Harap-harap dia tidak akan guna Google untuk menterjemahkan pos ini!!!!
* I first heard this song when the workshop people tested my newly installed CD player in me car. Excellent choice – the sound of the acoustic guitar in the intro, followed by the bass and then the rest made me fall in love wif me CD player… and with Lee Sin-Je too! It took me a while to realise she was the singer of that song, tho. Yes, I’m a big fan of her too – sweet looks, beautiful eyes, great actress, good singer. And she’s Malaysian! ;-)
Oh well, that’s life!
The next morning, I woke up to a glorious sunshine and strong winds. Perfect day to dry me clothes – only thing was that I had dried all me clothes the day before utilising every single radiator in the house.
Oh well, that’s life!
When I finally got ready to go out on the same afternoon, I stepped out to be greeted by raindrops. Yup, it started to rain when I decided to go out!
Oh well, that’s life!
I arrived at the public library wet and took a number for a place on the internet. Even tho there are more than 10 terminals, when my number was finally called, I was given the same PC which I used the day before, the very one that could not read my pen-drive!!! I was hoping they would have fixed the problem cuz I told them yesterday. Nope, they din.
Oh well, that’s life! Mine, anyways! :-)
Thursday, 16 November 2006
When the new term started this academic year and I was “squatting” in a mate’s flat for a couple of weeks before moving to London, I introduced meself to the China students in me Mandarin name. It has been quite a novelty to me to hear me Mandarin name being used so much, not only in the flat but on the campus grounds when they see me.
In fact, not only am I getting used to it, I kinda like it very much. I considered using it on a more permanent basis – until I remembered that the name printed on me passport and student card and National Insurance Card is my Cantonese translation. Oh well…
I miss the people in Colchester (Altho it’s funny that when I got back here, the person I miss the most is no longer in Colchester!).
You want to be where everybody knows your name…
Theme from “Cheers”
p/s:- for those of you who don't know me, check out my latest post in Hollie's Lists here for an A to Z Guide to me!
* This song was in the charts here during the summer – and on the playlist of SGR Colchester, the local radio station which we listened to day in and day out while working in the Uni café. Listening to it brings back many sweet memories! :-)
Tuesday, 14 November 2006
* This song brings back memories of me childhood. Yeah, i grew up in the 70s. Listening to it also never fails to remind of the Hitz FM Morning Crew of Lil' Kev and Fly Guy - each time one of them go for a holiday, when he comes back, they'd play this song!
Trouble is that the feeling doesn't last long. In a short time, it'll wear off and it normally leaves me in a situation far more worse than before i had that beverage.
These past few days have not been unlike a bandung ais experience.
Perhaps a quick recap to set the context - i returned to campus last Wednesday to spend a few days here wif me mates. I'm returning to London tonite.
I woke up feeling really down this morning. Those of you who had been following my previous blog would know how difficult it had been for me to say goodbye to this place and this life. But i did. And i moved on. Had a brilliant time in Holland and France too in the past couple of weeks.
But being back again reminded me just how much i missed the life here! It's so ironic cuz me mates know how much i love London. But now that i'm in London, i miss this place. I guess that in the past, going to London meant that i'll still be coming back here, coming back to me mates, coming back home.
As i walked back to the campus last Wednesday, i never realised how green the surroundings are.
On Thursday, we had a Flat 11 reunion in Flat 12. Yes, it was a lovely time. Unexpectedly and unplanned, some of the Flat 12 people joined us - and man, did we have a blast! I would have rolled on the floor laughing if it was a lil' cleaner. ;-) And it was wonderful how we hit it off so well with the Flat 12 people.
It was also emotional as we said goodbye to Isabella who was returning to China the next morning and at the same time, we welcomed back Yuki who returned after spending a month and a half back home.
On Friday, we met up wif another ex-flatmate who came for a visit from Cambridge. Early next morning, i met another mate online and chatted wif her for the first time in months (yes, i have no internet in London).
On Saturday nite, i hung out with a couple of me ex-flatmates - and unlike the crazy fun we had on Thursday nite, we spent the nite chatting and sharing. I really felt that our frenship moved to a higher level as we were really open and transparent.
Sunday was another sweet reunion wif some of me church mates.
I realised how much i have been hungering for human interaction. The entire stay was about meeting up with people and catching up, spending time, sharing, eating together. I even spent time chatting with the cleaner lady! Last nite, i had to help this Government student whom i met for the first time with her essay which was due this morning!!!!
I also begin to feel how small the Uni is. I meet people wherever i go, be it on the campus or walking back from church. And it's so nice to go to the kitchen at almost any time of the day and have people to chat wif.
This morning, as i sat in the kitchen and looked out onto the lakeside as i always have done in me old flat, i thought of returning to cold London (cold in reference to more than just the temperature), returning to that house where there is only one other person staying there, returning to me room with no internet connection, no MSN, no skype, returning to a city of millions but only a handful know me by name, i felt so down. The high of the bandung ais experience is over.
I'll have to go. I shud go. And just as i told Isabella when she started crying on Thursday nite at the thought of leaving, i will tell meself the same thing - 不要因为结束而哭泣，微笑吧，为你的曾经拥有。 Well, it may be a little out of context but it applies, dun you think?
* This song is taken from their These Days album which was released in 1995. It's a lessor known album but it's my favourite Bon Jovi album.
Monday, 13 November 2006
So after being crushed - again - by some hope which did not result in anything, i decided to finally let go.
Yes, some of you guessed it - just when that decision was reached, new hope appears.
I know where this hope will lead me - the same road where it always does time after time. My frens tell me to give up hope.
But will i ever listen?
Hope springs in strange places sometimes...
* This was a favourite song of one of me juniors who introduced and this song to me in 1994. I was sold and became a fan of Crowded House since.
I've actually taken leave from the blogging world for around a month - quite a feat for me, actually. I'm now residing in Barking in the east side of London. In my one month of absence, i've travelled to Europe - specifically, to Amsterdam, Paris and around France.
My plans now? I'm currently seeking employment, both part time and full time. In the event i am not successful in securing the latter, i will have to leave the country at the end of January 2007. Yes, i'm heading back home!
Whatever the case, i should be back in February next to usher in the year of the pig - and stuff my face like one with all the Spring festival goodies! ;-)
Yes, i won't be home for Christmas again.
But everything is so fluid and uncertain now. My job application could lead me to other parts of the world. It could lead me to stay on in London. It could lead me back home.
I dun know much but this much i know - He will be wif me every step of the way.
So for now, i'll linger on a little longer in London... and blog here.
*Linger was released in 1993, at the time when the world ws just being introduced to alternative music. The moody tune, haunting (and brilliant) vocals of Delores and the typical simple-but-oh-so-true lyrics of alternative music made me fall in love with the song and the group. This song remains on me list of all time favourite songs.
Sunday, 12 November 2006
It's good to be back! :-)
Pic taken last month on the road leading to the French Alps
*Good Day is taken from Jewel's latest album, a surprisingly pretty optimistic sounding song!