(It's hard) Letting you go* - Bon Jovi

Have you ever had bandung ais? A potent concoction of sweet syrup with sweetened condensed milk. No matter how wasted you are, it's guaranteed to invigorate you instantly.

Trouble is that the feeling doesn't last long. In a short time, it'll wear off and it normally leaves me in a situation far more worse than before i had that beverage.

These past few days have not been unlike a bandung ais experience.

Perhaps a quick recap to set the context - i returned to campus last Wednesday to spend a few days here wif me mates. I'm returning to London tonite.

I woke up feeling really down this morning. Those of you who had been following my previous blog would know how difficult it had been for me to say goodbye to this place and this life. But i did. And i moved on. Had a brilliant time in Holland and France too in the past couple of weeks.

But being back again reminded me just how much i missed the life here! It's so ironic cuz me mates know how much i love London. But now that i'm in London, i miss this place. I guess that in the past, going to London meant that i'll still be coming back here, coming back to me mates, coming back home.

As i walked back to the campus last Wednesday, i never realised how green the surroundings are.

On Thursday, we had a Flat 11 reunion in Flat 12. Yes, it was a lovely time. Unexpectedly and unplanned, some of the Flat 12 people joined us - and man, did we have a blast! I would have rolled on the floor laughing if it was a lil' cleaner. ;-) And it was wonderful how we hit it off so well with the Flat 12 people.

It was also emotional as we said goodbye to Isabella who was returning to China the next morning and at the same time, we welcomed back Yuki who returned after spending a month and a half back home.

On Friday, we met up wif another ex-flatmate who came for a visit from Cambridge. Early next morning, i met another mate online and chatted wif her for the first time in months (yes, i have no internet in London).

On Saturday nite, i hung out with a couple of me ex-flatmates - and unlike the crazy fun we had on Thursday nite, we spent the nite chatting and sharing. I really felt that our frenship moved to a higher level as we were really open and transparent.

Instant noodles can taste so so good when shared with close frens! :-)

Sunday was another sweet reunion wif some of me church mates.

I realised how much i have been hungering for human interaction. The entire stay was about meeting up with people and catching up, spending time, sharing, eating together. I even spent time chatting with the cleaner lady! Last nite, i had to help this Government student whom i met for the first time with her essay which was due this morning!!!!

I also begin to feel how small the Uni is. I meet people wherever i go, be it on the campus or walking back from church. And it's so nice to go to the kitchen at almost any time of the day and have people to chat wif.

This morning, as i sat in the kitchen and looked out onto the lakeside as i always have done in me old flat, i thought of returning to cold London (cold in reference to more than just the temperature), returning to that house where there is only one other person staying there, returning to me room with no internet connection, no MSN, no skype, returning to a city of millions but only a handful know me by name, i felt so down. The high of the bandung ais experience is over.

I flirted with the thought of staying on for another few days but decided against it.

I'll have to go. I shud go. And just as i told Isabella when she started crying on Thursday nite at the thought of leaving, i will tell meself the same thing - 不要因为结束而哭泣，微笑吧，为你的曾经拥有。 Well, it may be a little out of context but it applies, dun you think?

Some leaves still clinging on. But soon, all will have to fall off...

* This song is taken from their These Days album which was released in 1995. It's a lessor known album but it's my favourite Bon Jovi album.