Freak out* - Avril Lavigne

The people around me were trying to calm me down. I must really look stressed!

It won't be surprising cuz i felt that way!!! It has been a long long time since i felt that way. Perhaps like before my first lecture, or going up to speak on the pulpit. But no, this time was prolly the worst! I really was on the verge of freaking out!!!

This time was so different because when i go for a lecture or go up to the pulpit, i go prepared. Sure, there is some level of nervousness but it is all manageable. I just need to go up there, say what i have already prepared - and making references to the notes/power point slides to assist me. And of course, speak in English!!! =)

But that time, it was a whole new ball game! It was a LIVE TV interview - conducted in Bahasa Malaysia! The Malay language. Being a "live" interview, there is no fixed script - altho they gave us answers to possible questions that will be asked, it is still pretty daunting!

And my BM is so rusty!!!! Sure, i can go buy food and even strike up a conversation with the man on the street. But in the interview, i was supposed to explain things like what is "Student Centred Learning", how it developes cognitive skills. what are "soft skills" etc!!! I would even have problems explaining that off-hand in English (but i did that quite easily when interviewed by students on campus - yes you can see clips of that being screened on the flat-screen tvs around campus. Dunno if they still show it or not).

I initially thought the interview was to focus on Aida, my student - and i am just there as her lecturer. But upon reading the possible questions that will be asked (which i only receive a few days before the interview), i realised that the main focus is on me!!!! And it i snot about the Law School - but about Taylor's Uni!!!!! That would mean that not only will the viewers be housewives and ppl in the hospital waiting rooms, but also every top gub in the Uni management!!!! If i embarass meself, i'll embarass the entire Uni!!!! Talk about having the weight of everyone on my shoulders!!!!!

So yes, i was not surprised when the colleagues who were there were a little amused and a touch concerned to see how freaked out i look that morning while waiting to be interviewed.

I tried to prepare meself by listening to a Malay radio channel all week - and even dug up my old Sheila Majid albums to listen. It din help that everyone at the TV studio was speaking in English!!! Even the interviewer was chatting with us in English just minutes b4 we went on air.

The feeling i had brought back memories of life as a practising lawyer - having to submit in the Malay language and preparing self to be asked anything and everything on the subject matter, having the expectations (and sometimes the life savings) of my clients weighing heavy on my shoulders.

Maybe tt's the reason why i din last in the practice. Well, 7 years is quite long! But comparing life now with how it was back then, it is indeed a pleasant stroll in the park these days!

Still, i'm glad to say that the interview went alright. Just like in practice, the moment we started, i went thru it quite easily - my colleagues said that i was a totally different person when on air, full of confidence. It wasn't perfect, tho.

I din realise it until i rewatched it that they got the Uni name wrong thruout the interview!!!! They kept referring to us as Taylor's College!!!! And when i do refer to the Uni, i only refered to is as "Taylor's". The management may not have been too pleased with that!!!

And oh - i looked really fat on TV!!!

p/s - i oso got a taste of how my students feel just before going for their moots!!!

p/p/s - the studio was interesting. it was surprisingly easy to get in and security seemed to be pretty minimal. We walked past quite a number of radio pragrammes being broadcasted "live". I was told that the actual studio we were filmed in was actually small compared to RTM's. And i was a little surprised that as we sat waiting in the studio, we could actually whisper to each other as the show is going on just a few metres away!

*Track 11 from her 2nd studio album.