Time of your life* - Green Day

It was late in the nite and we were having dong sui (which was too sweet) by the roadside, while mozzies feasted on me legs. I had to literally brave thru a storm just to get there - but it was worth it. We haven't seen each other since spring 2 years ago, when i popped by her apartment the day before she flew off to the UK. We said we'd meet up in London once i'm over there.

We never did.

A series of unforeseen events and loads of procrastinating meant that we would only meet up face to face - when we were both back here in M'sia. But that din mean we weren't in contact when in the UK. Thanks to the free-calls deals over there, we kept each other updated regularly.

Still, it was good to see her again. Somehow, she is part of the memories of the life i had back in England. As we chatted the nite away, we both sighed wistfully at how enjoyable and wonderful life was when we were there.

I had always expected life back here not to be as good as it was then - and being right doesn't make it any easier! I guess maybe i need a little more time.

Last nite reminded me of one of the reasons why life back there was so wonderful - when we talk, we really talked! Back here, when we go for a drink or chat after a meal or hang out at someone's place, the conversation will be about when is so and so's next holiday trip, which expensive Japanese joint to eat at next, who is having renovations done to their expensive houses, or computer stuffs. People will be comparing - and admiring - handphones, showing off their new digital SLRs, talk about expensive cars, !!!! Mind you, i'm refering to Christians who are allegedly not supposed to be materialistic. Yeah, rite!

It just seem all too superficial, at times.

Back in Essex, we would talk about our lives (borrowing this description from another mate's blog). We would share deep emotions and feelings. We'd talk about our families and our frens. We'd chat about things which matters to us, insecurities, fears, hurts, joy.

But hey, i can do that wif me mtes back here too, can't i?

I can't. I dun know why. It's not like i havent tried. the times i do, you can just feel the energy level dropping and an uneasy silence falls... until someone makes a stupid joke to break the tension and then we'd all resume the frivolous stuffs.

Maybe it's cuz of the fear of being judged - which is again ironic as the Bible teaches Christians not to judge. Among me mates in the UK, there is no such fear. Sure, we'd ridicule each other for some stupid decisions, laugh at our mistakes, tell each other to the face how we can be wrong. But that was all good - we were all being honest, and being who we are. There was this freedom in being ourselves - and it was liberating.

Big meals, snacks or just drinks - it din matter cuz the people and the conversations were what was important

Ah well... maybe it's still too soon since i've been back. The engines need to be warmed-up more. In any event, there are frens here wif whom i can share me life wif - not that many, but there are. And i'm truly thankful for them.

Eve: It's what life is. It's a series of rooms and who we get stuck in those rooms with adds up to what our lives are.

(House M.D. Season 3 Episode 12)

p/s - after much contemplation, i've decided to post this up wif a footnote that it is not the intention of this post to take a swipe at anyone but a way of expressing how much i miss me mates

*This song was actually meant as a "break-up" song and originally titled, Good Riddance! And apparently, Billy Joe made the same mistake - twice - during the intro of the song, which you can still hear in the released version.