Dreams* - The Cranberries

Half five in the morning. Slept for almost 12 hours. Traveled to Puerto Rico with Anthony Bourdain and Wellington with the 5 Takes TJs. All cried out. Listening to Michael Buble. Regretting i din make that trip to the guitar shop yesterday to buy a new E-string. Feeling stuffed from my 3 am dinner...

Having late dinners reminds me always of those long nites in Rayleigh Tower. There's something about the wee hours of the nite that appeal to the melancholic in me - the quietness, the serenity, the solitude, the loneliness...

What a week it has been-eh? No, i'm not referring to the craziness at Uni. That was fun. I guess i should feel... something(!), seeing that i finally completed all tutorials and lectures for the October '07 intake. That's a milestone, isn't it? But just like how i'm at a loss of words at how i should feel, i dun feel anything at all. Perhaps it has been overshadowed by another event.

OK - not perhaps. It's kinda obvious.

For the first time since i got back, i finally dared to believe that perhaps i've finally found a reason. Something which i could say that giving up that life was all worth it. I dared to dream again - no, i've always dared to dream - but i dared to believe that dreams do come true after all.

Call it a defense mechanism but i've never seldom allowed meself such luxury - for fear that the dreams do not come true.

But i let down me guard. I dropped me defenses. There was a lapse in my concentration. Blame it on the heavy schedule, the mountainous pile of work i have, the lack of sleep, the need to feel again...

So it had been a crazy roller-coaster ride. And you know what's the worst part of a ride like that? No, it's not the crazy loops, not the upside down part where you feel the breakfast u had earlier is creeping up (or down?) yr throat, not the slow crawl upwards as you anticipate the close-to-free-fall dip at the top. It's when it grinds to a stop - and you realise that just as fast as it started, it has come to an end.

Yup, came to a grinding screeching halt yesterday. Woke up finally. Came back to earth. Good timing tho. At least there was no harm done.

No, shattered dreams are not counted as 'harm done'.

It was nice while it lasted... :-)

So the quest continues for me - why am i back here? I have never doubted that God has a plan for me. Just hoping to get some glimpse of it. Some time soon. Til then, the search resumes. And i'm not disappointed. To me, it's the journey there that excites me, not arriving. Most of the time, anyways.

不要因为结束而哭泣，微笑吧，为你的曾经拥有。

*Their second single from their brilliant debut album. It was released during me undergraduate days when we were in London so it always brings back memories.